New Life!!!!......Bored. To. Death.

I just graduated from college 2 Saturdays ago. Me and my bf went to Minneapolis during spring break (where we will return to in December when he's done with grad school) to register as domestic partners and we're having a small ceremony in July, which is all planned out already. We didn't tell anyone what we did until like a week ago, so everybody just thinks we recently did it. All very exciting things. Except for the fact that now I'm jobless, bored out of my mind during the day, avoiding calls from my mother trying to tell me how stupid I am for marrying my bf, and exhausted.

I've had more sex in the past few weeks than ever and frankly it's making me more tired that happy. My bf( now partner) seems to think that since I don't have a job or school to go to anymore that I'm basically supposed to be his ready, willing sex slave. Which is really not the case, but unfortunately I've been complying just to keep the peace. Let me explain how the past couple weeks have gone:

I'm sleeping peacefully when all of a sudden I feel a hand around my waist, pulling at me. I'm still half asleep so I don't fight it. Next comes the wood pressed against me. Hello, wood. How's it hanging? Next is the gross morning breath that comes ghosting over my shoulder to greet my nose as he starts foreplay. Nevermind that I'm still half asleep and have in no way consented to this. Of course, if I don't move after a while, he starts to get a little more aggressive with his attentions and eventually I can't pretend to be asleep anymore. Generally, I just let him do what he wants like always. He usually wants the conventional stuff in the morning, so I don't have to do much, just make a few sounds and try not to check the clock. Sounds a little sick, I know, but it's the easiest way to keep the peace.

This usually occurs somewhere between 6 and 8 am. At any rate, it's usually over by 7:30. If it starts earlier, I can actually get another half hour of sleep before I start the day. By 7:30 or 8am, I usually get up and make my bf breakfast while he showers. That puts him in a really good mood and he's less likely to nitpick or bring up things that I've done or forgotten to do. He's usually done eating and conversing around 8:30 and leaves for campus. Then I'm alone. Until 5, 6, or 7pm-ish . I watch shows on the internet, I play video games, I clean, I go to the store if there's anything I find that could be replenished(more bread, milk, cheese, eggs.....).

My mom calls me like 5-10 times during this period. She knew that my bf was abusive after she saw me at walmart with my face all smashed up about 6 months ago. Then there was the showdown in the chinese buffet where we were having dinner with a large group of people(my mother included) about a month ago and I said series of snarky things to my bf and he slipped up and whapped me across the face. He apologized and said it was just a reflex and that he didn't mean it, but my mom totally bitched him out. Which is why when we announced that we'd gone to Minnesota to register as domestic partners and were having a wedding in July she totally lost her mind.

Lately she's been sending me emails with pictures of abused people telling me that if I marry him and go back to Minneapolis with him in December that he's going to kill me. I know that him hitting me is wrong, but I really doubt he'll kill me. Also he's been going to anger management and is getting a lot better at controlling his anger.

Anyway, back to the day. Internet, cleaning, video games, shopping, mommy calling. I try to make sure that the house is as spotless as possible when he gets home. It's a lot easier now since the house gets cleaned quite a lot. Even though he's working on his anger, I'm also working on trying to mitigate the things that cause him to get angry. It seems to be working. Before, he used to yell at me everyday and hit me maybe a few times a week. Now, those things are much more rare.

I cook him dinner at around 5. I like to have it ready by the time he gets home, but sometimes he comes home early. He's usually not too picky about that and it doesn't even matter if we go out to eat if it's not very late.

After dinner, he usually works for a few hours then watches tv or goes on the internet and we talk.

When it gets late he usually says something like "You wanna go to bed?" which is actually code for: "You wanna go upstairs and do it?" And of course we do, whether i really want to or not.

It's hard. I know some of it is kind of wrong, but it's been so peaceful! And don't get me wrong, the sex is good, it's just that whole too much of a good thing deal. It's kind of scary to be walking on eggshells like this. He's been in such a good mood that I really don't want to rock the boat. I wish I was stronger.

First Post

So I decided to create a blog. I've been seeking things to make me feel better about my current situation, so I thought writing would be cathartic enough.

First, let me explain who I am. My name is Kyle and I'm a 22 year-old gay student living in Michigan. I've lived my whole life in a very small town whose only attraction is the college, which I attend. I'm in my final year and my major is Secondary Education. I'm really thin, fairly short, and pretty average looking. I'm from a poor family, My father is an out of work factory worker and my mother works at both a women's shelter(ironically) and is a substitute teacher. I'm very passive and I really hate it when people are mad at me, so I work very hard to make people happy.

I met my boyfriend my Freshman year of college. He was a junior at the time. And he blew me away. He was tall, athletic, serious, and brilliant. He spoke philosophy as if he'd read a thousand books. He was serious, but he was funny . And he was nice, to everyone, even people who no one was nice to. We could talk and talk for hours. Even when he told me he was bisexual, i didn't believe it.

Of course it was too good to be true, which so many things are. His temper is outrageous and frightening. During our relationship, I've seen him bust up a friend's car, punch holes in walls, and break chairs. I know it sounds really crazy, but I kind of accepted that him smashing me up sometimes in addition was just a logical progression.

Stupidly, I left school and followed him when he went to work as an engineer in his homestate of Minnesota. His temper actually cooled there, because he genuinely enjoyed his work. He worked and I went to school, which he paid for. He rarely ever hit me. However, after some time, he decided that he would go back to school in michigan to get his master's degree, all expenses paid by the company he works for.

So here we are, back in my hometown. He hates grad school and is miserable. And as an extension, so am I. I'm hoping this blog will give me a bit of respite from that condition.